I used to watch my child literally bounce off the living room walls—crashing into the sofa, tackling the dog, spinning until they fell over—and think, "Why can't they just sit still?"

Five minutes later, we'd be at a birthday party, and that same "wild" child would be hiding under a table, hands over their ears, refusing to come out because the "lights were too loud."

I felt like I was parenting two different kids. Was it behavior? Was it manipulation? Was I just bad at this?

It turns out, for us, the answer wasn't behavioral. It was sensory. We learned that their body was trying to solve a problem I couldn't see.

The Volume Knob Analogy

Imagine every person has a sensory volume knob. For most of us, it's set to 5. We feel things, but we can ignore them.

Seekers have their knob set to 1. They can barely feel anything, so they have to CRASH and BAN to feel grounded.
Avoiders have their knob set to 10. A whisper sounds like a scream, and a tag on a shirt feels like barbed wire.

The Two Sides of the Same Coin

We realized that our child wasn't trying to give us a hard time; they were having a hard time. Their internal GPS was offline. Here is how we learned to spot the difference:

1. The Seeker (The Human Bumper Car)

"I need to feel my body to know where I am."

  • The Sign: Crashes into furniture, chews on pencils/collars, loves tight hugs ("Squeeze me harder!"), and never seems to get dizzy.
  • Why They Do It: When my child tackles me, they aren't being aggressive. They are looking for Proprioception (body awareness). Their brain is whispering, "Hey, where is your arm? I can't feel it." So they slam their arm into a wall, and the brain goes, "Ah, there it is. Thanks."
  • What Worked for Us: We stopped saying "Stop crashing!" and started saying "Do you need some Heavy Work?" We used heavy laundry baskets or "burrito rolls" in blankets to give them that input safely.

2. The Avoider (The Raw Nerve)

"The world is attacking me."

  • The Sign: Hates getting hands messy (glue, mud), is a picky eater (textures are the enemy), melts down in crowded places, and covers ears at sudden noises.
  • Why They Do It: When my child hides under the table, they aren't being antisocial. They are in survival mode. Their nervous system has hit "System Overload." Forcing them to "join the party" is like pushing someone who is drowning back into the deep end.
  • What Worked for Us: We created "Quiet Corners" with low light and utilized noise-canceling headphones as a tool, not a crutch.

The Bottom Line

Once we stopped looking at these behaviors as "acting out" and started seeing them as "regulating," the battles stopped.

We stopped trying to fix them, and started trying to fill (or empty) their cup. And amazingly, once their sensory needs were met, the "behavior" problems usually vanished on their own.

Note: This article is based on our personal experience as parents. It provides educational information, not medical or psychological advice. Always consult qualified professionals for your child's specific needs.